America is fatter than ever. That, apparently, is alarming to many and has been the source of many documentaries, studies, and bemoanings. The blazing headlines blaming fat people for America’s health care woes come almost daily. The overly large are viewed with disdain. Warning labels on fattening foods and special taxes for those of us who carry more heft than we ought are coming. Our President’s wife is giving wise advice about eating well, which makes the pictures of her scarfing down bbq ribs delightful. Paula Deen has lost 30 lbs. according to a magazine cover, which gives all fat people hope – except those that use her recipes! Fat people are the new smokers, except we do not get Twinkie breaks scattered throughout the day. So, in solidarity with the smokers, we feel your pain. Fat people are easy targets, literally. It’s always been cooler, prettier, healthier to be thin – no one would argue against that.
Be that as it may, fat people must wear clothes. The sisters who are well-padded have a large selection of clothing options, including several chain stores that cater to their needs. True, there are stores that cater to large men’s clothing as well – but they are not as widely (no pun intended) available. Stores that carry “Big and Tall” (and let’s be honest, there isn’t that much ‘tall’ about it) sections have such a limited selection that there isn’t much use in checking it out. The internet has many offerings, but buying clothing off the internet is risky and often involves sending stuff back, which is no fun. There are two solutions. (1) All the fat men could become thin men (theoretically) and could buy clothes where the other guys do. (2) Clothing manufacturers could take advantage of this newly discovered market of fat men in America and start upsizing their equipment. For those who are trying to manufacture clothing for fat men, I have the following observations, suggestions. Fat men are welcome to make suggestions in the comments. Thin people are not allowed to comment on this post. Sorry, you have to suffer SOME punishment for being too light – and some of you eat a LOT more than I do… grrr.
FAT MEN DO NOT WANT TO WEAR WIDE HORIZONTAL STRIPES. We know this because everyone says this emphasizes the wideness of our trunk. So why is it that when I look at the fat men’s shirts I see all these horizontal stripes? Is it a plot by clothing manufacturers to make us feel guilty for being fat and thereby drive us to the smaller sizes by starving ourselves? Not going to work.
FAT MEN DO NOT HAVE SQUARE BODIES. I recently bought a pair of shorts for summer. They fit well everywhere except the legs… it looked like I was wearing culottes. I could walk to the buffet and back and my pants would never move. What is this? There’s enough room in those legs to shoplift a whole cooler full of steaks.
FAT MEN NEED STRETCH. Even we are not aware of all the various ways our bodies stretch when we bend over, sit down, reach for something … so we must have stretch built in to our clothes. Fat men fluxuate in size because they are often trying to become thin men. So when they are not successful and swell a bit, then their pants are challenged. Who has the money to buy pants every time we bloat up a bit?
FAT MEN DO NOT WEAR WHITE. Please stop making these white shirts and pants. Some of us have not gotten the memo and are still buying them. And stop using white to line pockets and waist bands. That is just unsuitable. More on that below.
FAT MEN AND THE FINER DETAILS. I have a pair of pants I really like but seldom wear. Most all fat men suffer from dunlops disease. That is, their belly dunlopped over their belt. When that happens, the underside of the waistband of the pants is exposed. Why would anyone in their right mind manufacture a pair of black pants with a WHITE waistband lining? Do they not understand the challenge of dunlops? In addition to this, who in their right minds would manufacture black pants with WHITE pockets? A thin person, that’s who. Because thin people do not deal with their pockets flaring at times. Have you ever noticed a fat man with pockets flaring and his white pocket liner showing? I have. I have been that man.
I don’t know if any clothing manufacturers will read this post. It is part humor, part rant – but it had to be written. Only a fat man could write this post. So there you go.
thanks for reading,
And a few selections for your Kindle…