So I Broke the Lamp

2013-07-13 12.29.19We have a round table at the end of our couch. It has a lamp on it that my wife bought and likes very much. A few days ago I knocked it over, but it (almost) miraculously didn’t break! Last night, however, I managed to knock it over again and this time (predictably) it did break. Maggy is out-of-town right now and I was wondering who I might consult to help me with this broken lamp situation before she gets home.

I decided to ask some familiar characters what they might do.

Fred Sanford: Just put it over in that pile of junk.

McGyver: Have you got a paperclip and a rubber band? I think I can fix that.

Lestat de Lioncourt: Light? Who needs to light up a perfectly good dark room?

Richard Nixon: Just say, “I am not a lamp breaker.”

Lucy Ricardo: If you just re-attach it with some chewing gum, stack some books around it and tie it with a string to the wall and hold your breath it might not fall over. If it does, just cry.

Jack Shepherd: We’ve go to put it BAAACCCCKKKKK! Please…put it back… it wasn’t supposed to break!

Walter White: Look, we just need to take care of this and then we can go back to normal. Just burn the house down and we won’t have to deal with this any more.

Rod Serling:┬áThere is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone. Over there your lamp isn’t broken. Yet.

Fox Mulder: You’re never going to believe what came into the house and broke the lamp…. but the truth is out there.

Walter Cronkite: And that’s the way it is. Broken. Good night.

Emeril Lagasse: Bam!

Dr. David Banner: Well, you see, I got angry and … you won’t like me when I’m angry.

Charlie Brown: Good grief.

Paula Deen: I broke a lamp 30 years ago, but I haven’t broken a single one since.

Jennifer Cavilleri Barrett: Love means never having to say you’re sorry.

Col. Nathan R. Jessup: You can’t handle the truth!

Scarlett O’Hara: I can’t think about that now. After all, tomorrow is another day.

Cole Sear: I see broken lamps…I see them everywhere…they don’t even know they’re broken.

Rick Grimes: I think I can use that lamp to kill a zombie.

Lassie: Just bury it.

I’m going to work on one of these…or maybe you can make some suggestions in the comments!

Thanks for reading. I’m healthy until Maggy comes home.




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