James Willis

James Willis is a man of multiple talents.

He is an inventor.

He is an international investor.

He is a wise shopper for insurance.

He is known to the United Nations.

He has people calling him all the time for information.

I’ve never met James Willis, but I know all of these things about him. You see, about six months ago when I changed my phone over to a Louisiana number I inherited his old number.

So for six months I have received calls from all over the world (if my instinct for dialect detection is correct).

It appears to me that James Willis sifted through the internet for every scam he could find and submitted his name and phone number (which is now MY phone number).

Yesterday the United Nations called. Here’s how that call went.

UN: Is this Mr. James Willis?

ME: No, it is not.

UN: Is this Mr. James Willis’ phone?

ME: No, it is not.

UN: Where is Mr. James Willis?

ME: I do not know him.

UN: Then why are you answering his phone?

ME: This is not his phone, it is my phone.

UN: Are you James Willis but just pretending not to be?

ME: No.

UN: So this is James Willis?

ME: Um… Noooooo.

UN: James Willis is in a lot of trouble. He has stolen a good deal of money and we must speak with him.

ME: With the vast resources of the United Nations I feel sure you can find him.

UN: I have a file in my hands right now telling me that this number is for James Willis.

ME: Sir, do you understand that people do change telephone numbers – and those numbers are reassigned to other people?

UN: So are you James Willis?

ME: No.

UN: Prove that you are not James Willis.

ME: How would I do that? Just come get me and put me in jail.

UN: You want me to put you in jail?

ME: Sure.

UN: You will be hearing from us soon.

ME: OK.

So, James Willis, whoever you are and where ever you are…thanks for entering your/my phone number all over the internet and participating in every scam possible.

And just for the record: I have not invented anything and didn’t request information on patent services. I have not called Nigeria or any other place and arranged for money to be transferred. I am not searching for insurance quotes. If I won a cruise or other prize, just send the info to me in the mail. And if you claim to work for the UN, at least sound halfway intelligent.

Thanks for reading,

john

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