I’ll Have a Black Christmas Without You

Black Christmas Tree at Wal Mart tonight.

I’m sure someone else is far more qualified to address this subject than I am… but I’m just thinking about how low our country has sunken. I’m not talking about the economy – I can’t even maneuver through the malls because of all the people. I’m not talking about politics! I’m not talking about morality! This time they’ve gone and messed with something that stirs up the hackles. It’s a BLACK CHRISTMAS TREE.

THIS SITE declares that black Christmas trees were brought over from Britain. THIS SITE declares they were started as Halloween trees – a much more understandable color choice. According to THIS SITE the black Christmas trees are a fashion statement, and are hard to get as they are so popular. I think we’re too late to put a stop to this!

We’ve endured some admittedly bad Christmas tree disasters. I also saw today pink and purple trees, but i can excuse these because they are related to kids toys. It’s not the family Christmas tree. We have taken trees, sprayed white globby stuff on them, charged double, and pretended they were snow-covered. I can feel good about this because it is, at least, an effort to capture something found in nature. A black tree is only found under an oil rig or in a burn pile. There have been the silver trees, no doubt a misstep that led us to the black trees. The silver trees sometimes had lights pointing at them as a colored pane circulated …. almost giving the aura that your silver tree is actually changing colors….but not quite. We even have trees in our yards that are an assemblage of wires that looks like an accident in the day time but at night, in the dark, one can  make out the shape of a triangle…and since it’s Christmast time … it could be a tree.

But it’s not just the trees. The black decorations are abundant. Black Christmas cards would be sad to receive. I’m just hoping I’m not insulting some wonderful reader who is so happy about their black Christmas tree. Not to rub salt in the wound, but did you watch the GRINCH too often? You know he slid on a greasy black banana peel. What about “black” says “Christmas”?

The cause of all of this were the little concessions we made in the area of cuteness. Blue trees. Trees with fiber optic endings that became pink, purple, orange, and teal … and we thought that because it was fiber optic it was beautiful. They are not beautiful.

Go watch Little House on the Prairie. Watch the Waltons Family Christmas. Watch Eight Is Enough. Watch all of the Christmas episodes of all of the shows. No one brings home a black Christmas tree. We simply know as a culture that this is wrong. If Archie Bunker’s son had brought home a black Christmas tree…well…we can see what kind of explosion that would set off.

It’s just wrong. You can’t hang your children’s home-made decorations on a black tree. You can’t put a white shining angel on top of a black tree. You can’t put festive packages under a black tree. It’s just creepy.

Yes, this was a bit rantish! But I held back for my sensitive readers. There is the rant about glitter … and the rant about dirty Santa … not to mention the rant about …oh…I can’t remember. But it’s a good one.

And if you have already bought one of these black Christmas trees and feels it is an excellent decoration for your home, I certainly do hope you have happy holidays sitting around your black tree … singing tunes to the Lord around that black tree … giving a speech about the love in your heart… around that black tree.

Thanks for Reading!

John

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