Devil Problems

devil's food cookiesWe all have devil problems, I know.  But my big devil problem at the moment is related to food. Devil’s Food cookies.

I am the original cookie monster. On my journey with Weight Watchers I have determined the ‘point value’ of many cookies. And most of them are too big a percentage to be included on any kind of regular basis.

Except these Devil’s Food cookies. They have saved me some evenings when I just felt the need to have something sweet. And you can buy the Snackwells brand all day long at almost any store for $3.50 a box. But these Great Value brand (Wal-Mart) and other store brands are usually about $1.30 per box. That’s a big difference.

And you can almost never find them. In fact whenever we do see them, we wipe out the shelf. Yes, people are looking at the crazed cookie people with ten boxes of the same kind of cookie piling out of their baskets … but I’m beyond being ashamed.

I have no earthly idea why there is such a price difference in the same product. But the bigger mystery is why they are never available. I would say it is RARE to find the store brands on the shelf. You can’t buy it online from Wal-Mart.com, either.  There are some in the Amazon Marketplace … for NINE DOLLARS A BOX!!! Yes, these are desperate times all across America.

So of course, like any intelligent human being, I’m thinking it is a conspiracy.  I’m trying to find out if the store-brand devils food cookies are driving the climate change debate? Maybe they are a threat to covert operations in Wehateamericastan. Maybe the Girlscouts have something to do with the disappearance of these cookies. It could be even more sinister, perhaps the Keebler Elves are holding Nabisco CEOs hostage?

Here’s to  hoping some pulitzer prize-winning reporter will chase this story down. Or at least some cookie-deprived dieter with a sweet tooth.

I know some of my readers will note that this is not real food, it is a pre-packaged boxed up sugar bomb with no nutritional value. It has ingredients that cannot be pronounced and as a processed food does your body no favors. I do get that, thank you.

Have you ever tried to take a bone away from a snarling dog?

OK, internet sleuths and fellow cookie devotees … shall we storm the halls of Congress? Begin a letter writing campaign to Wally World?  Get Ted Cruz to stand up and talk about it for 28 hours in a filibuster?  Create an off-brand devil’s food cookie internet meme? Does the Great Value Devil’s Food cookie have its own Twitter yet?  When the zombie apocalypse happens, will anyone be counting their food points then? Priorities.

Thanks for reading,

John

FOLLOW UP: Linda Green suggested trying Dollar General and Family Dollar stores. Dollar General had a whole shelf of these cookies with the Clover Valley brand. Win!!! $1.75 a box! Thanks Linda!

Comments are closed.