An Interview With Jason Bourne


JD: Jason, thanks for stopping by today. This is the third movie about your exploits … they are all equally brutal in terms of the physical beatings you take. How do you stay in shape for this kind of action?

Bourne: I don’t remember.

JD: Oh. Well, you always have a beautiful woman ready to throw herself in your arms. Do you ever worry about comparisons to 007?

Bourne: What’s 007? Is that what the program was called?

JD: Nevermind. Say, that scene in the police car was breathtaking. How did you walk away from that with barely a limp? And then given the opportunity to kill The Asset, you simply walked away.

Bourne: We do not even know why we kill. My argument is not with him.

JD: Hmm… do you know why you crash cars and break things? Nevermind. Say, if you had to choose between insider government intrigue babe Pam Landy and hot office girl turned super spy Nicky Parsons, who would it be?

Bourne: Pam should get some rest, she looks tired.

JD: Were you aware that Richard Chamberlain once played the role of Jason Bourne?

Bourne: I was willing to be anything they told me to be. He probably was too.

JD: Jason, you seem so unreal … I mean … in all of your adventures did you ever go to the bathroom, eat a meal, smile, read a magazine, see a movie, or kick back in a hammock?

Bourne: Up ahead, to your right, is a man with a camera. He’s working for them.

JD: I guess not. Should we feel safer with Jason Bourne on the streets of the world?

Bourne: You don’t realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. This is real. They will kill you.

JD? Me? I never said codeword BLACKBRIAR in a cell phone like one idiot I know. Do you know David Webb?

Bourne: (Cringing in a flashback) I am starting to remember everything…

JD: I think you need something to take the edge off, dude. Thanks for stopping by anyway.

JD watches as Bourne crashes through the window and out into the night.

JD mumbles about how much his window is gonna cost to get fixed while super boy goes running through the night in his make believe world.

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