21

Blake and Uncle John

21 is the age when young people are designated as adults.

21 is a card game sometimes called Blackjack.

21 is the number of our century.

21 is a movie I haven’t seen.

21 is a famous club in New York city.

21 is a well known gun.

21 is a date occurring in all 12 months of the year. 21, for us, will always be the day the darkness came into our life … the loss of John Robert. Today it’s been three months. It seems like so long since we last saw him … heard his voice. And though it seems like such a long time we are only beginning our long walk.

The contradictions, for me, are many. John Robert was so full of life, so funny … he would never want us to crumple into a heap. We find ourselves there more frequently than we admit. In our good times when we’re laughing, enjoying ourselves … there’s a corner in our heart that cannot join in. In fact, there’s a kind of hurt that never goes away. It is the new subtext of our life. At times it flares into intensity … but most of the time it’s a faint ache … just enough for us to know it is there.

We choose to live. Our day will come, and we will be reunited with John Robert. But until then we experience joy in the love we have for our daughter and her husband … her children … our families … our friends… our church… and yes, our God. True, God and I have a lot to talk about. But there’s a lot of living to do while we have today. John Robert would have it no other way, I’m sure of that.

Thanks for reading,

John

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