Big Poppa’s Halloween Candy Tricks & Tips

As you all know it’s coming close to that time of year when little urchins dressed up as … well … little urchins will knock on your door and yell ‘Trick or Treat’. Aside from theologically analyzing this behavior, I am convinced it’s all about the candy. Dressing up is fun … but going around the neighborhood dressed up? No, that is not natural. What about yelling this phrase at a stranger’s door? No, that’s not any fun. But then the door opens and some kindly person (we all hope) dispenses glorious free candy.  And THIS … yes this is what the kiddies are after. They want to consume candy. So, in all of my wisdom I seek to share my tricks and tips for having the best Halloween Candy Harvest ever. Please share this with your children.

1. Always Carry Two Masks. Sometimes you run across that generous person who’s giving away candy that is actually good. Go to the end of the driveway, switch masks, and go once again. This is the ‘trick’ part of ‘trick or treat’. It’s actually Trick and Treat. Also, try to find masks of familiar characters that are cute or cuddly. I know lots of kids go for the gory effects, but candy givers will give more to the cute ones. I mean, who knows…that really could be Michael Myers under there.

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These masks = extra candy.

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This mask = a pencil in your bag.

2. Tweet the Harvest! All of you little kiddies have cell phones. You should be tweeting who’s giving away Snickers and who’s tossing in a notepad. Network! OK, I guess you can just call one another, but it doesn’t seem very inventive. One thing you can’t do is look in your bag after every stop. First, that takes too much time. There’s too much candy to harvest out there to do this. Second, who can tell what you just got? Remember your mission: accumulate the good stuff.

candy-md

This is your goal.

3. Be Picky. You will, after all, have a bag full of candy. Don’t eat it all. First, you’ll have a tummy ache. But second, we are not ordinary candy beggars. This is Halloween – it’s made for kids to get candy. So don’t eat the candy if someone tosses some cheapo year old garbage into your bag. Just mark that house and skip them next year. Beware of eating candy if  you get anything that looks like this:

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Icky Halloween Candy to be Rejected.

4. Do not eat home made treats nor fruit. After all, this is a candy Harvest, not Christmas. Do you know how many kooky people live in your neighborhood? Don’t risk it, kiddos. Also in this category are popcorn balls. Popcorn belongs in a bag, not in a ball. These will break your teeth. They likely have been passed on from generation to generation along with fruit cakes. Some popcorn balls have candy corn and chocolate graham bears in them, to try to entice you. Do not give in to the dark side.

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5. Always travel in pairs. Maybe up to three – but that’s all! This is good for safety. It is also a good number to present at the door. If you show up as a group of 12 at the door, you are not going to rack up the gains in the candy department. Oh there will be lots of ‘arent they cute’ and such, but you can’t eat that. If you must travel in a large group, split up at the end of the driveway and come only two-three at a time. You’ll get a lot more good stuff that way.

178505458_32fe19a06b Too Many Trick or Treaters = Stingy candy givers.

6. You Need Management Skills. You know your parents are going to sift through your candy. It’s true. You watch those Baby Ruths…they are going to disappear. Oh they’ll deny it but they miss dressing up and getting candy. If they try it now they’ll just be called pervs and get a broom upside the head and someone will call 911. So they’d rather pilfer your bag. Take it from me, before you get home, start eating that candy. Do it quietly … if your parents are with you they are keeping a close eye on that candy (because they want it). A good plan is to take a bite, then shove it in your pocket. Don’t worry if you forget it. What kid worries about a little pocket lint on their twix bar? Also when you get home say you have to go to the bathroom. While in there stuff your pockets with the good candy. Also hide some under the cabinet for later. If you have a dog, this could present a problem. Keep something out for him to distract him. If you have a cat, why did it survive halloween? That’s another post.

jesus bar

That’s right. Shove it into the pocket. Hide it or lose it.

Perhaps our dear readers will share more of their halloween wisdom for you. But that’s it from me kids. Hope you have a great candy harvest!

John

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