Harold Duet passed away November 2, 2008
I had never heard of Mesothelioma before my step dad received the diagnosis that this was the cause of his suffering. “Step dad” doesn’t seem a fitting term … he was our dad for 28 years. In the absence of our own father, he was much more than a step dad to us (my brother and I).
Mesothelioma arrived the same year that another intruder came into the lives of my parents – breast cancer. 2008 was a rough year. Our son was killed. Harold and Mom both had cancer. We moved to a new church and city. We left our grandchildren behind. And Harold did not survive.
My last conversation with him at his home was when we were sitting at the kitchen table. He said, through labored breath, that he didn’t want to say a lot about it, but he sure did miss John Robert. I assured him that John Robert loved him, and he did. “Paw paw” was loved by all the grandchildren. My heart goes out to his daughters. Aside from the fact that so many of us miss Harold, I’m most mindful today of the loss my mother experienced. She was just overcoming breast cancer when he passed away.
The first year of grief is so hard. I reminded mom a few days ago that it will never hurt as bad as it did at first. Those first months in grief are so foggy as we look back. It will not be like that again. It is a different kind of hurt … the one that lingers on and on for the rest of our lives. Yet each year is a significant marker … family times are reminders … and quiet moments bring reflection and acute feelings of loneliness.
I miss Harold in a hundred different ways. But I mostly miss the love and companionship he gave to my mother. I always knew he adored her. And she him.
Tomorrow begins a new year without Harold. He is with us in our hearts. It’s just not the same.
Thanks for reading,
John
There is a blessing in that pain of missing a loved one. My dad has been dead over 20 years and I’ve never missed him at all.
I know how bad I miss my father.He died September 19,2008.The same day my Andrew’s Appendix ruptured and nearly killed him. 2008 was a HORRIBLE year.
I’m with you,John.It hurts something AWFUL.
I love you John. I cried reading this. Our lives parrellel (sp) each other so much. I am so glad our “first” year is gone.
Hey I just wanted to tell you 5 months ago while in the hospital awaiting a recession on my small intestine I gave my life to Christ. I came around in church when I was younger with the guys but I never had an understanding, I always thought it was just a belief in your head. But I have felt the spirit come into me and wash me clean with the blood of the lamb and made me righteous under him. I have given my life to him and live to bring glory to his name in everything I do. I just wanted to tell you this because you were the only person who ever spoke to me about Jesus and what he had done. I look back on that and just wanted to say thank you because if you hadn’t have told me about Jesus I would have never even knew who to call on when I felt the true depravity of life without God. But because you did I knew to turn away from my sin and give it all to the savior. Thank you so much John and I will be praying for your ministry.
Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts. You give so much hope and comfort to all of us who read your posts. May God bless you as much as you bless others.
The fact that he adored your mother is a very significant observation. If I can live my life so that someday my kids will say that about me, then that will be saying a lot.