John Robert’s Truck
One of the icons of youth is your first vehicle. John saved some money and I helped him get the first vehicle that belonged only to him – a 1999 Ford F-150 truck. I thought he shouldn’t buy that truck. For one thing, I thought it cost too much. But we met the old man who was selling it for a friend and he won us over with his sweet spirit. He was so excited that John Robert was a Christian. (He didn’t give us a break in the money, but that’s another story!). I told John there would be other vehicles and maybe one he liked better … but he set his heart on this truck. I know that feeling. So I helped him buy it.
It might have been around Christmas time last year that he came in and told his mom to sit down – he had bad news. He had accidentally bumped into a fire hydrant and bent his bumper and cracked out his grill. I am guessing it was more than a bump but no firemen ever came to our house. Anyhow… mom wasn’t upset.
I hardly ever rode with John Robert in his truck. Occasionally he would tell me something that was wrong with it and I’d offer a suggestion as to what to do. Not being handy myself, I’d tell him where to take it to have it fixed. He usually didn’t do it.
After John died, our neighbor Roger took the truck and replaced the grill, tail lights, did some engine work, tried to fix a buggy a/c problem, replaced the inspection sticker that was out (for a few years!) … and wouldn’t accept a penny. That’s Roger’s kind way. I miss my neighbors.
So today I drove that truck back to Monroe. It rode great and I had no problems. Well, no real problems. The windshield wipers come on by themselves every once in a while. I remember John telling me this happened sometimes, but I attributed it to his accidentally bumping the controls. The cruise control decided about half way home that it was tired, so I had to actually drive. I haven’t had to pay attention to the speedometer so closely in a long time. The a/c is still a little buggy … but if you turn it off and back on again it works OK.
Those are the kinds of problems you live with when it’s your first car. You’re just glad to have it. And John Robert was glad to have his truck. If his friends went anywhere, they often went in his truck.
About thirty miles before I arrived in Monroe I began to cry. I miss him so much and I wish I had fixed all the little things wrong with his truck for him. God and I had a talk about this situation my family finds itself in at this point in life. I am pretty sure we won’t keep that truck forever. But for now, it’s not really ours. It’s still his. As long as we feel that way, we’ll probably hang on to it. And when those windshield wipers take on a life of their own, I’ll laugh and think of our son.
Thanks for reading.
johndobbs
John,
I want to say something, but I am a loss for words. Thank you for sharing yourself with me.
Justin
Justin
20 Sep 08 at 10:09 pm
John, I cried. I will go spend some quality time with MissN this afternoon (I’m helping her sew a bag she has designed).
Wendy
20 Sep 08 at 10:10 pm
My heart continues to break for you guys. My prayers are with you still, as well. May God’s comfort and grace continue to attend your every need.
In Christ,
-bill
-bill
20 Sep 08 at 10:10 pm
I don’t know what to say other than I cried,John.I sit here missing my father as you are missing John Robert.I miss him so bad,my heart and soul ache.
I can relate to you about the truck.I have my father’s Juicer,his LaMachine,his Pressure Cooker among other things.Like you said,until otherwise,for now,those things are still Daddy’s,as that truck is John Robert’s.
Cecelia
20 Sep 08 at 10:10 pm
There can be so much power and presence in a physical item. I still carry one of my dad’s pocketknives and his shotgun will forever remind me of him.
John’s truck is one of those things. It’s one of those things that will remind you of many things about him.
Taylor’s first truck was a 1994 green f-150. It wasn’t as nice as John’s, so we spent a lot of time working on it. Just about the time we got it running really well, a teenage girl ran all over it. We collected enough money to upgrade to a better vehicle. All in all, I still miss his “first” truck.
Powerful post, John
Trey Morgan
20 Sep 08 at 10:12 pm
Sending more prayers & hugs your way dear Brother!
xoxo,
Kristin
Kristin
20 Sep 08 at 10:15 pm
Thank you for sharing this John.
Odgie
20 Sep 08 at 10:19 pm
Thank you for sharing that. We call your name in prayer and look forward to seeing you and Margaret again one day.
Glenn
20 Sep 08 at 10:43 pm
Love you, John. May the God of all comfort continue to surround you with His loving arms as you remember and miss John. He loves you, too :)
Katherine
20 Sep 08 at 11:31 pm
John, My first car was a ‘53 Mercury two-door hardtop with a V8 flathead engine. It was white. It cost me $500. I had it for two years. Sold it for $500. Your son’s truck was a great first ride for him. But the ride he will have in glory will trump a Ford Pickup and a Merc every day. Love you, big guy. the goad
steven the goad
21 Sep 08 at 1:19 am
that’s a nice looking truck.
you have my prayers, brother.
kenny
21 Sep 08 at 5:53 am
John, this post was so powerful. Thank you for sharing.
I have a Buzz Lightyear pillow that belonged to Zane when he was a preschooler. Although he has no intrest in the pillow now, I do. When I hold it, I feel him. I remember how it felt to feel “safe”.
Love you,
Amanda
Amanda Sanders
21 Sep 08 at 6:42 am
My first (and only) truck was a Ford F-150, only a much older model. It had captain’s seats and a racing steering wheel along with whatever that huge Ford engine was … a 450-something. I didn’t need a speedometer on it, I could tell how fast I was going by the dropping of the gas gage! I miss that truck, though it wasn’t nearly as nice to look at as John Robert’s truck.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Greg England
21 Sep 08 at 9:06 am
P. S. I meant to add that the one thing that belonged to my father that I treasured was a silver and turquoise ring that he had made for that piece of turquoise that he had found in New Mexico. It was stolen during a home burglary a few years ago. “Things” have great emotional value to us, and sometimes for the good.
Greg England
21 Sep 08 at 9:08 am
We love you.
Mom and Dad
21 Sep 08 at 9:13 am
When I rode in that truck last night, I knew it was pretty special to you. I, too, found myself imagining John sitting where you were sitting.
I’m sorry I brought up the possibility of your trading the truck for a newer vehicle. I can see that won’t be happening for awhile. And that’s just fine.
Mignon and I continue to pray for peace for you and Maggy.
MikeR
21 Sep 08 at 9:17 pm
John i cried when i read this , we miss john so very much still it is so hard to still grasp. I can’t imagine still how you are dealing with such a great loss. we love you and Margaret so very much and continue to pray for you. In christian love, Julia
Julia W.
21 Sep 08 at 9:44 pm
I remember when he first got the truck. Him and Jaime drove it over to the mall to show me. He was so proud of it. Sometimes he would drive up in my driveway and we would just sit in his truck and talk. I wish it had been at the house for a little while before you took it away.. I sure would have liked to be able to see it there when I go to check the mail and water the plants. Would have been like having a piece of him there with me. I know you will find comfort in having it to drive.
Nicole
21 Sep 08 at 11:00 pm
In a very unbiblical way, my daughter and I often give human emotions to inanimate objects. Then in an even further unbiblical way, we sometimes take on the emotions of these objects. So in that vein of thought, I find that the truck is happy to be with you and near someone who loved John Robert and the truck will share memories of those quirky windshield wipers and J.R. with you and you will smile.
Expressing your feelings is good, John and absolutely right for a grieving parent. Many years after my sister’s death my mother expressed regret that she hadn’t taken my sister to see Elvis when he was appearing on the Louisiana Hayride and they were living in Shreveport at the time. (Would that have been scandalous for a preacher’s wife and daughter to go see Elvis??) I, of course being the selfish, youngest child, reminded mom that she had never taken ME to a concert.
John Robert knew he was loved unconditionally and that was your greatest gift to him.
bonniebeth
22 Sep 08 at 9:40 am
John, these bittersweet reminders will always be there. Thank you for continuing to share your heart. We love you.
Donna
22 Sep 08 at 9:47 am
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, JD. Your honesty and transparency are refreshing and encouraging. Know that prayers abound for your family.
Clif
22 Sep 08 at 2:42 pm
Still thinking about you and praying for you daily!
NB
22 Sep 08 at 3:27 pm